I waited ready for the change. Seeking to know precisely what was going to happen and how exactly those happenings would manifest themselves in my body.

And as the change began to unwind… a desert flower waited patiently, seeking to finally bloom, and I waited impatiently, seeking only to control it…

Leonard Nimoy asked in my voice:

“Eli, you have spent your life seeking to understand your physical body?”

“Yes.” We said.

He asked again,

“Did you seek this understanding only for the purpose of control?”

“And if you only wanted knowledge for the sake of control, can you ever truly appreciate the experience that knowledge gives you?”

We became quiet. Confused. Logical.

As the anchors in my mind became unmoored from the changes my body felt. My minds desire for understanding began to unravel and my heart's secret desire for control became clear.

“What have we ever controlled?” We asked.

“Nothing of value.” We said.

It was then that my mind began to see the math. A subject that has constantly frustrated and alluded me. An old and ancient logic that once was jumbled began to order itself. It was in this release of control(ego) that I was able to see the dust.

In this dry desert of alkaline and silica, every particle became lucid and clear. The fading light of our sun, the dissipation of heat, the vibrations of sound, and the eternal breeze of cosmic winds took root in my eyes. My mind finally saw and understood the math. It was a triangle: Aperture. Shutter Speed. Sensor Sensitivity.

My thoughts became ordered the more I did not try to control them. The less I desired control, the more the universe aligned its order within me. And in this order, God’s math made itself clear.

The universe commanded: “Take the shot. Take it again. Take as many as you need. Control nothing because anything of value needs not to be controlled… just experienced. Experienced with all your senses. All your mind, all your body, and all your soul. The good is in the essence of you, and your essence is in the dust. Know. Your dust is cosmic.”

“Your inheritance is in the smallest particles of you, and it is in these small places your ego will be allowed the final death he needs.”

“Shoot him and take the picture. Let him bleed out on the sand then take a picture. Let the blood quench the thirst of this desert, then shoot him again and take a picture. When he is finally dead and ready to be buried, “let the dead bury themselves” and take a picture.”

“When you have taken all the pictures you need, you will see that there is no blood, no body, and no shame.”

“Look around. What now do your eyes see?” We asked.

“I see it all.” We finally answered.

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